Alchemission: The Shark of Love
by EllaB twilight
Summary: Demetri is conceited, bloodthirsty and unbelievably gorgeous...a dangerous combination in any creature, especially a vampire in the Volturi guard. Written for Sue and Bianca as part of the Fandom Gives Back: Eclipse.


_Author's Note: This crack fic was written for my good friends Sue and Bianca, who bid on my "services" as part of the FGB: Eclipse fundraiser. I apologize in advance for all of the weird references and blatant inside jokes. _

oOoOoOo

Demetri settled back into the red vinyl seat, comfortable and cool in his white graphic tee despite the humid, sweat- and sex-filled air. Club Marzipan was feeling particularly claustrophobic tonight, the crowd larger than usual. He could taste the hot, excited, alcohol-infused blood of the revelers mixing with their pheromones and sweat. It hungered and repulsed him at the same time. He shifted the erection in his pants with vampire speed, hoping no one would see how excited the atmosphere made him.

Across the booth from him, Felix was tangled with his new mate Suzie in a sickening display of affection, sporting wood of his own. After being witness to ten years of PDA, Demetri was starting to feel abandoned by his best friend. _I thought it was supposed to be 'bros before hos_,' he thought bitterly, attempting to avert his eyes as Felix's massive hands brushed gently across Suzie's clothed breasts. He was surprised Felix and Suzie had even agreed to come out to the club with him tonight — usually they were boinking like bunnies when not serving their ancient masters. Demetri figured they were doing him a favor…they understood that Demetri enjoyed the laid-back hunting these L.A. clubs allowed.

Any time they were in California on Volturi business, Demetri stalked the young Hollywood elite. Their blood was rich and sweet, often tangy with cocaine and other drugs. And he didn't have to work for it — they always came to him. These young, desperate, lost souls were drawn to him because of his aura of power, and he loved the attention their subsequent disappearances created, scouring TMZ and Perez Hilton after a kill, masturbating to the news feeds. Because if anything, Demetri was all about attention…

_Who would it be tonight_? Demetri mused to himself, surveying the dance floor. D.J. Agent Denim had the crowd worked up into a frenzy, spinning many of Demetri's favorite European trance artists. Across the club, Demetri saw Lindsay Lohan sprawled across her friends, close to passing out and he made a face. _Disgusting_.

The view wasn't much better across from him. Suzie and Felix thought they were being discreet, but Demetri could clearly see his friend's hands disappear up his lover's skirt. He shook his head and wondered if the night would be a bust. Someone plopped down next to him and Demetri knew who it was immediately. Only one vampire smelled so strongly of super-absorbent towels, cheap plastic and dirty hookers.

"Vince, aren't you supposed to be shooting a new infomercial this week?" Demetri asked, turning to him and snickering. He had befriended Vince, the "Slap Chop guy," several months earlier. The pseudo-celebrity was one of the only vampires Demetri knew who lived so publicly. He envied his fame, and had recently started to resent the Volturi for holding him back. Demetri wanted to be famous. Felix heard Vince arrive and broke away from his make-out session long enough to nod at the fellow vampire.

"It was sunny today, so I had to call in sick," he replied. "Tomorrow should be overcast. One of the inconveniences of living in California." Glancing over at Demetri, Vince guffawed. "Are you wearing that God-awful 'Liberte' shirt _again_? Dude, you're a total metrosexual…you'd think you'd dress a bit better."

Demetri clenched his jaw in annoyance. "This happens to be a very nice graphic tee," he said, offended. "Should I just start wearing nothing but Henley shirts?"

"Only if you keep all the buttons undone… You need a sassy gay friend or something, man…" Vince trailed off and his bug eyes widened at something behind Demetri, a sly grin on his face. "Well, well, well…look who we have here?"

On Demetri's other side, an older, waifish woman settled and Demetri groaned internally. Kris Kardashian Jenner may not be a vampire, but she certainly resembled the living dead. It was hard to believe that three statuesque daughters had dropped from her vagina. Demetri was sure her blood would taste like Botox, hair dye and Metamucil, which is why he had never succumbed to the temptation. Unfortunately, she was a very aggressive cougar who had zeroed in on Demetri the last two times he had been at Club Marzipan.

"Hey Vince," she rasped with her gravel voice, lowering it to add, "Hi there, Demetri."

Demetri stood up immediately. "I'm going to go…get a drink." Across from him, Suzie giggled as Felix trailed his lips across her chin. Demetri felt a pang of annoyance and quickly put distance between himself and the booth.

_I'll get a drink to hold, so I can walk around looking less conspicuous_, he thought.

It wasn't until he was halfway to the bar that Demetri stopped in his tracks, stunned by the most intoxicating fragrance he'd ever smelled. It was the saccharine of tulips and the air on the North Sea…it was pure Dutch. Demetri knew that fragrance anywhere, as he was a frequent visitor to Amsterdam. But this scent was much more intense — mingled with the sweetest blood smell he'd ever inhaled. Venom immediately pooled in his mouth and his eyes grew black.

Whipping his head around, his gaze fell on a short brunette leaning against the bar, coyly sipping a cocktail while surveying the room. Her alabaster skin and innocent expression seemed out-of-place in the seedy club. As if drawn by a magnetic force, Demetri sauntered over to her, inhaling deeply and savoring the bouquet before he attempted to talk to her.

"Hey there," he drawled, putting one hand on the bar and invading her personal space. The girl's eyes widened and she inched away. _Too much_, Demetri berated himself. "My name is Demetri. Can I buy you a drink?"

"I already have one, thank you…_Demetri_," her voice was accented, and Demetri knew immediately he had been right about her being Dutch.

"Well then, how about a dance? I could request they play some more trance music."

"The dance floor is too crowded. And trance is gay. I prefer hard style."

"_Hard style? I think I'm in love_," Demetri thought, deciding to keep up his flirtation with the fetching European beauty. "How about I just stay here and keep you company for a little while, Miss…"

"Bienna," she said, taking another sip of her drink and eyeing him cautiously.

She was keeping him carefully at bay, but Demetri knew that he would wear her down eventually. After all, he was a gorgeous vampire! Seductive and charming… His centuries of hunting would break down her defenses and she would be a delicious dinner.

"Bienna…what a beautiful name for a beautiful girl."

She snickered. "Wow, what a clichéd phrase for a clichéd Hollywood prettyboy. Get some new material, Casanova."

Demetri couldn't believe his own ears. Every girl (and guy) he ever approached was putty in his hands. He stood there, not sure how to proceed. Bienna chuckled at his puzzled expression.

"You sure are a confident bastard, aren't you?" she shot at him.

Her ballsy comments stunned him to his core and he didn't know how to respond. No one at this club had ever dared to insult him! It only made him want her blood more. He smirked at her, but his smile fell as she rolled her eyes.

She sighed deeply. "That's too bad. You're a gorgeous man, and it would be nice to meet a hot guy who's also not a total conceited douchebag." She turned and dropped some bills on the bar.

"I…" Demetri found himself without the ability to form a coherent thought.

"So let's just get out of here and have sex so you can be on your merry way."

He spluttered, shocked again. "What?" Surely his vampire ears had deceived him…

"Well, you're hot as hell, so of course I'm going to have to fuck you…it'd be a shame to waste all that pretty. But just don't open your mouth and talk too much, or you'll take me right out of it." She grabbed his hand, not even flinching at the coolness of his skin, and began leading him to the door. Demetri followed like a puppy, overwhelmed by this aggressive, fantastic creature.

oOoOoOo

It took fifteen minutes and one awkward cab ride to get to Bienna's hotel. Demetri's Volterra assistant, Natalie, had called twice while in the cab, wanting to know his whereabouts and his estimated travel dates back to Italy. The bitch was obsessed with him. He'd fire her, but she was also the best at managing his social networking pages and web site.

When the cab pulled up to the hotel, Demetri opened the door for Bienna, and she rolled her eyes at him and told him to stop trying so hard.

Demetri had no idea what to make of her. She was utterly fascinating, and he was sure she'd taste amazing…in more ways than one.

He trotted after her obediently as she made her way to her room. He'd already had to adjust himself several times from watching her full, perky ass sway in front of him as she walked.

"Like the view?" she asked over her shoulder, catching him ogling.

"Very much," he replied, reaching out one hand to gently brush across the curve of her rump as she walked.

"Hey there, mister," she warned, teasingly. "Wait until we get to the room."

Demetri wished he could throw her over his shoulder and run to the room, but he knew his speed and strength would only alarm her. He swallowed back the venom filling his mouth and adjusted himself once more as they turned the final corner and made their way to her door.

She entered first, and Demetri followed, uncertain as to how he should proceed. Should he give her his panty-dropping smirk or hit her with Blue Steel? As he was formulating his plan of seduction, Bienna shoved him roughly against the wall and pressed her form against his.

"Mmmm," she hummed, millimeters from his lips, her sweet breath making his mouth run with venom. Demetri immediately felt himself harden. "Gorgeous, you have no idea what you're in for tonight."

Using his vampire strength, Demetri reversed the hold until he was the one pinning Bienna against the hotel room wall. She gasped in surprise and sheer desire. "Neither do you, lover."

Bienna moaned the moment before his lips began their assault on hers. Demetri didn't hold back. He delved his tongue into her mouth, uncaring that the venom would make her lips and mouth a bit numb. She matched him for every stroke of his tongue, nipping at his lips playfully.

In a flash, Demetri had her on her back on the bed. She pushed away from him, confused by the sudden position change, but before she could process it, he had ripped her clothing completely away from her body. It was only then that he could smell her adrenaline and fear seeping from her pores.

"H-hey," she stammered. "What's going on?"

Demetri cursed himself for being to eager. He turned the charm back on and met her wide eyes. "I suppose I'm too excited about tasting you, dolce mio." He lowered his face to her body and placed a soft kiss to her lower lips, which were slick with desire. Even in her fear, she cried out at the sensation and began to relax.

Demetri broke out his best cunnilingus moves, taking advantage of his speed to turn his tongue into a vibrator against her swollen, eager clit. Bienna arched and made a desperate moan. Trying to hold her still, Demetri slid his hands from their spot on her thighs, slowly up her body until he was plucking and pinching her nipples gently.

"Oh my God," Bienna's throaty cries filled the room, sounding surprised and desperate for release. "Demetri!"

He knew she was just on the precipice, so at that moment he pulled away and straightened, and with one smooth thrust he was buried in her warmth. Bienna immediately screamed her release, her muscles clenching around his pumping length and overwhelming Demetri in his blood lust. With a growl, he scooped her trembling form off the bed with one arm, holding her against him as he continued to move inside of her, and struck.

His teeth pierced the ambrosia-fragranced skin of her neck easily, and she moaned in a sated way, relaxing against him for a few moments until she realized what was happening. Demetri was taking deep pulls from her artery, and Bienna became terrified and lightheaded at the same time.

"Hey!" she said weakly, pushing her frail human arms against his granite body. Her voice became a whisper as her brain was deprived of rich, oxygenated blood. "H-hey…" Her struggles became feather-soft, each push of her arms an effort. Finally, she lost consciousness.

The knock on the hotel room door jarred Demetri out of his blood heaven. Lifting his head and licking his lips, he tried to catch the scent of the knocker, but he was overwhelmed with the intoxicating aroma of Bienna's life force and the feel of her still warm body cradling his cock. A booming voice broke the stillness.

"Demetri, you fucking dumbass…open the goddamn door!" Felix sounded furious. When Demetri was unable to respond within the millisecond, his giant friend broke down the door, Suzie on his heels. They stopped cold at the overwhelming aroma of blood in the room, hissing and baring their teeth. Fighting back his instincts, Felix furrowed his brow at the scene in front of him.

"How can you continue to be so reckless?" Suzie shrieked at him from behind her mate. "What a mess!"

Demetri was unembarrassed. "Being messy can be liberating in a life context...being refined can be limiting in a life context."

"What does that even mean?"

He shrugged. "Not sure. It sounds smart though…maybe I'll tweet that later." _Speaking of Twitter_… Demetri pulled out his phone and checked his mentions. Only two in the last hour…some girls he had once met during a trip to Ohio were requesting a happy birthday for their friend. Of course, he ignored it and pocketed the phone once more while Suzie sighed impatiently.

"You conceited douchebag…" she murmured.

Felix shook his head. "Do you realize that this girl's friends saw her leave with you? They're wondering when she'll be back, and I'm pretty sure this is their hotel room, too. We don't have much time to clean up. Aro's gonna be _pissed_."

Demetri withdrew from Bienna's cooling body and covered himself with a sigh. "You always have to ruin my fun. This girl was exquisite." He quickly dressed himself as Felix hoisted the still form of Demetri's conquest over his shoulder. Suzie grimaced.

"I'll go make sure the way is clear," she said, exiting the room. Demetri quickly straightened the room, making sure there was no sign of blood anywhere while Felix waited patiently. Demetri couldn't help smirking as he worked. This exact scenario had played out at least seven times in the last year. He had yet to get in trouble with Aro or his two brothers.

oOoOoOo

Bienna was burning. Not because she was the newest resident of hell or because she was ragingly furious at the idiot who had apparently killed her. No, she was suffering a fire of a different sort. It had started from the spot on her neck and traveled throughout her body — the last mission of her nearly empty blood vessels.

Although it was excruciating, she did not cry out. Instead, she strained her ears to listen to the voices around her, even as the burning in her head threatened to deafen her. Bienna was still lucid enough to realize that her attacker and his companions thought her dead, and she was sure if they knew that she was still hanging on, they would kill her for sure. She felt the sensation of being carried, and just tried to make her body feel like dead weight.

Through a fog, she heard Demetri's cocky voice, "Once we get back to Volterra, you can tell Aro everything. We'll see if he's upset."

"It's sloppy, Demetri," a deep voice answered. "Risky. We hunt people down for lesser offenses than this. People can never know that we are vampires."

_Vampires_? Bienna may have suspected after Demetri's bite-and-suck routine, but the confirmation was shocking. _Is that why I am burning so much_? _Am I turning into a vampire_?

The thought made the dry corners of her mouth twitch ever-so-slightly. Concentrating on her silence, she repeated Demetri's destination in her head. _Volterra_. When her eyes opened on her new life, her number one priority would be to get her revenge on the charming Casanova who had abruptly altered her entire existence.

_Watch out, Demetri_, her inner voice crooned. _I'm coming for you_.


End file.
